The internet is a funny thing because its so compulsive, annoying, hilarious, disturbing and upsetting all at the same time. Everything that happens here only affects like 2% of anyone in the real world. And only about half of that 2 give two shits about anything online.
So, when I'm at work and I hear someone discuss anything that happens on the internet, it's always surprising. Like when I hear a customer talk about 2 girls 1 cup. Or when my coworker mentions being 'rick-rolled'
I even had a young group of ruffians talking about YTMND while I did their transaction. You hear alot of things as a cashier. You stand at the forefront of the store, the lowliest worm, and observe people at their worst and oftentimes the most fascinating. But the internet and people often combine to create some interesting results.
And its not always good. Anyone who's spent any time online knows what a flame war is, or how amazingly obtuse and stupid fanboys and supernerds can be. We've seen the lowly basement dwellers of the internet world out and about at conventions and whatnot.
But I never thought I'd see something like I saw today.
A man of about 30-35 saunters into the store. Very thin and very short. A long thin bony nose, a long thin face and massive ridiculous black sunglasses wrapped around his brow, disappearing into the many folds of slick black oily hair that sat in a massive coif on top of his head. A blue dress shirt, black slacks, and a fancy tie adorned his painfully thin body.
He looked like he had just stepped out of an important business meeting.
And with a big shit-eating grin he approaches my co-worker Ben. Ben glances at me and says "oh I see this guy's back again."
In the man's hand he carried a film. I am pretty sure it was porn called 'Sperminator 4: Rise of the Boner' or something like that. He apparently claimed he bought it from our store, but we dont carry porn, so yeah.
So, smiling he approached Ben. And Ben simply looks at him, calm and nonplussed.
I looked at the customer who's transaction I was doing, and said "wanna watch the show?" and the fellow grinned and turned to watch. And several other customers peaked over as well to see this business guy who sauntered into the store like he was a pimp.
And then the businessman spoke to Ben.
"OKAY BUDDY. THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE."
"I HAVE SET UP A LITTLE WEBSITE, DETAILING HOW YOU WONT LET ME RETURN THIS MOVIE."
"IT ALSO ALLOWS OTHER PEOPLE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THIS STORE AS WELL"
"SO, WILL YOU RETURN THIS AND GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK?"
"do you have the receipt?"
"then no, I cant."
"YOU SURE BUDDY? I GOT 200 HITS ON MY WEBSITE ON THE INTERNET ALREADY. THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE!!!!"
"sir I cant return an opened new copy of a film without a receipt that proves you bought it here."
And with a snort of laughter, the man threw back his shoulders and moved toward the exit with such an arrogant swagger it looked like he was trying to dance out of the store. By this point, everyone was trying to hard not to giggle.
But before he left he leaned over one last time and said:
"SAY BUDDY. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?"
"oh, it's Ben"
The man smiled, shoved open the glass door and started to exit.
"have a nice day" I said.
"OH I WILL" he shrieked.
And then as quickly as he came, he was gone.
I have searched high and low for this man's website. No results on google or yahoo. Which proves his site is, without a doubt, some crappy little geocities thing.
I find it hilarious he's proud of 200 hits.
A fart on the internet can get 200 hits. 200 hits is nothing. But god damn was he proud of those 200.
Seeing as this was our LAST CHANCE, I doubt I will see that man again. But to preserve his memory, I have illustrated him and what he looked like.
When it’s cold outside
9 hours ago