Ye Oldde Blogge

The blog of a person....yeah that sounds good.

Wednesday, January 06, 2016

You were not born with a watch.

At least 2016 is off to a somewhat positive start! My new cartoon is finished!

I started on Decoupling last year around late July early August. With the realization I was turning 30 soon and I wasn't getting any work I decided to start putting some of my wasted job-seeking efforts into making a new short film! I hadn't made a cartoon entirely of my own ideas since Swag Pie and even then, I had to make that about swag and/or pie somehow since it was based on a song Weebl had made.

So I made 30 seconds of silly things coming out of other things and that was that. But sometime after it was done I sort of realized that it was perhaps.....TOO short. And since my animation PC was dying (rip 2007-2015) and Decoupling could very well be my last film, I wanted to make sure I made it as insane and high-quality as I was able to. So I animated more and more and eventually it became a whole minute long!

For comparison here are other things that can happen in a minute:

1.) Spreading butter onto some toast.
2.) Scratching an itchy part on a butt.
3.) Reciting a very short poem.

Anyway after it was done, I wondered if I should try making or acquiring sound effects for it. And what of music? Do I just use some copyrighted music like I've used before? I eventually came to the idea of no. If this was to be the end, I wanted it to be an end where everything was homemade. No shortcuts.

So, I went to the resident musician of Rtil's website known as the BackAlleys, a man who calls himself Shadowfox02, or Shads for short. He's been there longer than I have and has made music for a few independent projects. He has turned out stunning work (and stunningly fast) before so I asked him if he wanted to make music for the film. He eagerly (perhaps TOO eagerly) said yes!

And now quite some time later, right as we hobble into the new year, the film is done. And while the animation of the cartoon probably isn't too impressive to some, it was the height of my abilities and my partnership I shared with my ToshibaM400 laptop tablet. In a way, this film is dedicated to it. It saw me through thick and thin and together created many things. And now it is gone. Goodbye you beautiful shitty piece of machinery.

So here it is, the culmination of the efforts of a musician with bad luck, an artist with no future, and a recently deceased PC. And I personally think it came out pretty darn good, all things considered. It is a minute and a half I am very pleased with and proud of, and I cannot thank Shads enough for his work on the project and making something so damn good to go with the visuals.

And as usual for those who still come to this blog, thank you for reading. I hope if you pondered when or if I'd ever make another animated short again, that now your strange thirst for content is slaked.


So what is the next step?
Well step 2 is that I enter this little Decoupling ditty into any film festivals that are free. I hope that it brings some attention to my work and can give my career a kick in the pants it needs. But even if it doesn't, I'm just happy it's finished. I set out to do something, do it well, and it came out beyond my own expectations.

And I can't really think of a better way to start off 2016. Can you?


Saturday, January 02, 2016

I am no Borb.

Well 2015 has come to an end. I won't lie it was pretty awful. Possibly the worst year I've spent on this earth. An unending series of failures and great losses in my life savings. Almost all the animators I know now no longer animate because theres no money in it. And what few I know who still do are either now too important to speak to a lowly dredge such as myself, or are miserable in the career paths they have chosen and wish to get out as quick as possible. And I'm going to be joining them soon.

2015 ended with an interesting surprise. The creators of Studio Yotta and Newgrounds appear to be in some sort of cahoots. One of them recently contacted me, trying to offer me a deal so I can keep making animation. I don't like and certainly don't trust either of them anymore, which should be obvious to anyone who talks to me on a regular basis. That said, assuming I can't find work soon, I'm going to be unable to tell either of these two NO when the time comes to give them a definite answer.

But it's just been a terrible year in general. The only freelance I've gotten in the last few months is because my friend Avid Lebon cares enough about me to pretend she needs me on some projects that she could easily do entirely herself. She is a lifesaver, in many ways. And Lord knows she needs the money as badly as I do. Sadly I've been having to animate with a mouse again, due to my animation laptop finally refusing to work the way it should. I've animated the last 2 films I've done for Weebl entirely with a mouse. It has been agonizing but I've managed.

My father's pet parrot, an African Grey named Rosa, has fallen ill. With what I don't know for certain. One day she was fine, the next she was slumped over, and refused to use one of her legs for anything, preferring to stand perfectly still on one corner of her cage on only one foot. Rosa is older than I am. She is roughly 31 or 32 years of age, pretty old for a parrot. I've known her my entire life. To say her condition has been concerning me would be a vast understatement. This bird has been like a sibling to me. My father took her to the vet who claims that Rosa has arthritis. I find it odd that arthritis would suddenly pop up out of nowhere like this.

Simultaneously, searching for parrot foot problems on the internet brings up some absolutely horrific tales of parrot violence, parrot death, and wrongful veterinarians. Including a lovely story about a poor young lady who was informed her pet cockatiel merely had some gout on his foot. Three days after this the bird keeled over, never to rise again. I won't lie, these stories have been bouncing around my head, adding even more to the oppressive atmosphere of thoughts as this year comes to a close.

As this year hops into the shallow grave it belongs in, I have made in total roughly a sum of 1500 dollars. For an entire year. Most which has gone to paying loans and living expenses. Things are bad. Things have never been worse. I have applied at every place available to me both offline and online, desperately scraping for anything. My gmail address book has over 3000 entries that start with 'jobs@' on them. Nothing has turned up. Nothing has worked.

Why I was even informed charging a mere 50 dollars for a completed piece of fully painted art was TOO MUCH. And I was told this by a professional large company that sell products all over the world in highbrow liquor stores. Meanwhile every time I walk into Walmart and I see that poster. That Minecraft poster I made for Notch and the rest of the Mojang crew. What a fool I was. That poster is sold in every Walmart in the USA. It has adorned shirts, walls, even several Xbox cases. I have never seen a dime of that. Which is fine, I got roughly 500 for it when I made it for Mojang, some 4 or so years ago. But I was a fool. I should have asked for a percent. I should have found a way to advertise my website on it. I should have done something, ANYTHING, to make sure when people look at that piece, they know who its from.

But nobody does. Worst of all, after completing the piece the developers seemed to like it so much, they even said they'd get back to me, possibly wanting more pieces. And they never did. In fact instead they hired other artists to produce work in a similar vein to it.

I am a stupid, stupid man. I have fucked up every opportunity to succeed I have been given. I have spent my entire career allowing people to take advantage of my brief moments of trust and optimism. And now I have nothing to show for it. A demo reel that has never convinced a soul to hire me, and a portfolio that has impressed no one. And truly no year has proven this with more compounded ability than that of 2015. For some time my checking account has -723 dollars in it. Yes that is negative. That is not accounting for the student loans I have yet to pay. That is what working hard earns you. That is what art college earns you. That is what animation earns you. Looks of scorn from bank employees and letters from the government. Waiting for holidays in the hopes of undoing the damage with gifts of money given by family members.

2015, yes indeed, the year my luck finally ran out. The year that everything I built and worked for finally toppled over. There's a kind of majesty in the failure of it all. In the things I've had to do lately to wrench myself out of this debt.

And now I start 2016, fresh and anew and ready to indulge in more horrors. Ready to give even more of my time to Newgrounds and Yotta, places that have more faces than a shapeshifter. Places that have removed me and are now here again, offering me things I want, long long after I needed those things. Long long after I already paid dearly for not having those things, those people, around when I needed them.

The damage long done, now I sit wondering just how much worse can 2016 actually be? Can it be worse? I lost everything but my life in 2015. My passion, my savings, my equipment, and even my heroes are struggling to make it. People who should have the online world in the palm of their hands, struggling to make ends meet. This rickety boat made of time and work finally shuddering under the combined weight of failures and sinking into the turgid depths of 2015. How much deeper can this sea go? Outside of dying I don't think anything worse could really happen for 2016. But perhaps that opportunity will come regardless.

Whatever fates or deities control this cosmos, if such things are real, are clearly not through yet. We have another year of hell to muscle through. Another year of apathy, poverty, murder and death that we as a proud nation can gleefully slough into as we continue to tell ourselves in hushed tones "things will get better. as long as i work hard and believe in myself, things will get better!" as our worlds collapse around us and we are forgotten by the very people we trust and put our faiths in and continue to spew false positive horseshit to ourselves so we can pretend to have something to look forward to.

Left to rot until we're needed. Discarded until its convenient to be on beck and call again. Like toilet paper. And animation is the dribbling shit. And the internet is the pale butt. I'm ready to get wiping for 2016.

You know I think it's possible there may still be some people out there who discover my work. Ones who aren't tracking bots anyway. And maybe a few of them have felt inspired by my work to join this industry and carve their own happy little niche, smugly hoping the world will appreciate it if they sweat and toil enough.

It won't. I am telling you this now. If you somehow happened across this blog, hoping to be inspired by a wretched internet animator, then hear me now and TAKE HEED. Get out of this business. There is no money to be made here. There is no future in this. A very small lucky few make it and the rest are trashed, and forgotten. Don't make my mistake. Don't think this will be a stepping stone to a brighter or better future eventually. That is a lie those with money will tell you to keep you making stuff and not being rewarded for it. You enter this world and chances are you are going to wind up just like me. Here forever until you finally work up the balls to end it and walk away and never return.

There's nothing rewarding to be found here. There's nothing good. There's almost no good people and there's very nearly no good companies. Nobody needs you. Nobody wants you or your services. It does not matter what skill level you operate at. It does not matter what software you know. All that matters is that by some astronomical gamble you happened to be at the right place at the right time. Is that a bet you are willing to take? Is that a chance you really want to fuck around with? If so then yes, freelance art, animation, and graphic design on the internet will be perfect for you.

Enjoy it, chump. And have a very happy 2016.

Friday, October 30, 2015

worming their way into the black matter of my brain

It's all hollow's eve and the moon is bare.
Walk through the cemetary if you dare.
Where skeletons rot and corpses fester.
Locate the tomb with the skull of a jester.
Feed him a token.
All shiny and new.
It is then that Carnevil will return for you.

- A long dead studio


Well I am here again for my favorite holiday.
Since my last post I managed to fuck up a possible employment opportunity at a local shop that wanted me to design shirts, and I managed to fuck up a possible employment opportunity at Everi Gaming, a massive company that make all sorts of interactive software and casino games.

I even managed to get a brief phone interview with the 2nd one. But as per usual I found some glorious way to shit it all into the toilet and I will probably never hear from them again. First studio that's actually contacted me back in at least a year.

But hey at least I finished this Deadpool cartoon for Weebl and #Mashed. And I even finished it on the day it was due!
I don't know when it's going online. So that's at least one small positive note from the grand concerto of deterioration that has become my life.


Now this blog post isnt just about my botched attempts at getting out of this great void of debt and misery I find myself in, no no. We had quite enough of that two posts ago.

No readers, this is my favorite time of year. Halloween!
Why? Because its monster-themed!
And you don't have to spend money to buy gifts for people! You just run around in a costume and act like a jackass and sometimes get free candy! Can you imagine a more perfect holiday? That's a rhetorical question of course you cant. It does not exist.

So in celebration of Halloween I'm going to talk about what I personally think is the perfect group of movies to truly horrify and sicken you this on this Hallowed Eve. Note: Some of these films are incredibly difficult to find. Don't feel discouraged, some of them I came across entirely by accident.

Guinea Pig - There's a few of these films. Find the first one. Maybe the second one. The incredibly realistic and gruesome exploits of a serial killer who slowly cuts his victims apart, piece by piece. How bad is it? People thought the films were real and the government had to get involved. Not for those with weak stomachs. MANY people thought this was a legitimate snuff film.

The Thing - Carpenter's masterpiece ensemble about a bunch of workers in the frozen north who discover that a dog they took in is actually a grotesque shape-shifting alien in disguise. Inbetween the masterful puppetry and body horror, is an incredibly tense and brilliant story about people going stir crazy and paranoid as they are killed off one by one. This is one of those films that will never age because of just how damn good it is.

Lake Mungo - This relatively forgotten horror film is almost devoid of violence and entirely devoid of jump-scares or pop-out skeletons. Set up like a documentary, it chronicles a family grieving over the loss of their daughter and the scandals and hauntings that take place afterwards. It starts as a horror, becomes a mystery film, and then becomes a horror again. Every performance in the film is remarkable and it will leave you feeling cold and sad and afraid to go to Australia. If the bit with the cel phone doesn't make you near shit your pants, then you got a problem buddy.

Sunshine - So if you wake up one morning, and it's a particularly beautiful day, you'll know we made it. Amazing film about a crew of astronauts on a mission to dump a chemical payload on the earth's sun which is currently dying out and freezing the planet. Along the way they find the ship that was sent to do the same job 6 years prior. And that's where things get terrifying. Truly an amazing scifi flick with a good dose of horror to give one the heebies and the jeebies.

Nekromantik - A man falls in love with a corpse. Enough said really. Find it and give it a go. Much like Guinea Pig this is not a film for those with weak stomachs.

Perfect Blue - A rare treat! An animated horror film! From the late genius Satoshi Kon, this film is about a famous music popstar in japan who turns to acting. Her first roles are gritty lewd things that depress her and make her start to lose fans and faith in herself. Then she discovers she's being watched and manipulated by a stalker. Everything starts to snowball from there.

Cemetary Man / Dellamorte Dellamore - A gravekeeper and his friend have the amusingly boring job of killing and re-burying all the zombies that rise from the grave in their little town every night. Eventually the gravekeeper's friend falls in love with the zombie of the recently deceased mayor's daughter. Then he keeps her head in a box. Things only get zanier from there. A horror film with a good dose of comedy and even a bit of bizarre eroticism.

Alice - Jan Svankmajer's insane live action / stop motion animation mixed media film. I'm not sure what to write here. Me and a friend rented this film once when were employed at Blockbuster Video. Like a lot of things Jan has made, it is rather horrifying and disturbing. A strange strange retelling of Alice in Wonderland.

Evil Dead - The original and the very recent sequel/pseudo-remake are both excellent horror films with a nice dose of dark comedy to them that makes them very re-watchable. The newest one is also almost indescribably violent and action packed. Great for a halloween viewing. And hey, Bruce Campbell is gonna be in a tv show sequel to it soon too! I'm so sad Burn Notice is over.

True Detective - Not a movie, but a tv show. Season 1 of true detective mixes melancholy cynicism with a great dose of horror and fantastic storytelling. The redemption of Rust is one of those things you'll never forget. Manages to be very unnerving with just the atmosphere and direction. Season 2 focuses on different characters and mostly a depressing journey into a fictional California city. Season 1 is the one that will give you chills down your spine.

Brazil - What can be said about this film that others haven't already said? A fantastic dark comedy from brilliant madman genius god Terry "I Eat Money Literally" Gilliam. What starts as a somewhat funny but distressing comedy of errors in an overtly complex and grotesque future with superhero repairmen and bizarre machinery turns into horror and terror pretty quick once things fall apart. A masterpiece of filmmaking. If you enjoy this I highly recommend the Adventures of Baron Muncchausen.

Suspect 0 - Aaron Eckhart and Ben Kingsley as psychic detectives who track down dangerous serial killers. Probably one of Kingsley's best and most underrated performances. A terrifying film from a one-hit-wonder director. Forgotten by the passage of time.

Jacob's Ladder - I've mentioned this film a few times and my love for it. It's terrifying, it's brilliant, it's a masterpiece. A man whose life keeps intersplicing from before and after the vietnam war, as strange demonic people try to kill him and his former war buddies. A film you won't ever forget. Also has odd cameos including Rage Cage from Tenacious D, Jason Alexander, and Lewis Black. What a cast! Probably the most insane climax of any horror film.

Bone Tomahawk - This movie literally just came out a few weeks ago. Kurt Russel stars as a sheriff in the old west who goes to rescue the wife of one of the townsfolk who has been kidnapped by savages. What starts as a tense western drama becomes a slow burn into horror as the natives begin to reveal themselves and show just how savage they truly are. Things escalate quickly. Another film not for the weak of stomach.

The Babadook - Alot of people recommend this film. And they are right to do so. A fun horror flick with just enough scary shit thats well filmed enough to make you feel spooked. Also co-stars the most annoying child ever filmed in the history of movies. When me and mike watched this film, the power went off during the climax of one of the scariest parts of the film. I have never been so quiet in my life.

Stay - a forgotten film from the early 2000's, this film stars Ewan McGregor as a psychiatrist who has to stop a young artist from comitting suicide. Because if this artist dies, reality will end. Things just get weirder and creepier from there. Probably one of the prettiest soundtracks a horror film has ever had.

The Fly / Videodrome / Naked Lunch - look I have nothing constructive to write here. Just see all of Cronenberg's films. If you don't you are a plebeian. The end.

Coraline - An animated horror film that manages to be incredibly frightening while remaining PG. A masterpiece by Neil Gaiman and Henry Selick. Perfect stop motion animation mixed with a harrowing story and unnerving visuals as the other world starts to fall apart.

Fire In the Sky - gave me nightmares as a child. gave me more nightmares as an adult. One of the few alien abduction films that is actually scary.

The Orphanage - A movie about a woman taking care of an orphanage that is haunted by the ghosts of the children that used to abide there. Then her son disappears. Manages to be incredibly disturbing without hardly any special effects or violence.

The Tall Man - I originally thought this was going to be a horror film based on Slenderman, a cool internet monster that was ruined by reddit, facebook, youtube, and 9gag into a joke little kids tell each other. As it turns out its nothing of the sort. It's about kidnappings and absolutely bonkers mclonkers mystery adventure stuff with a very heartbreaking ending that will leave you speechless and probably very conflicted.

And there you friggin' go, m8.
A bevy of horror for your watching pleasure this Hallows Eve.


In far scarier news, those of you who have read this blog for a long time (all 0 of you!) might recall years ago when I discovered the top search term for my blog was the terms OILY ASS.

Years later OILY ASS was replaced with Minecraft Hentai. Because apparently some 11 year olds actually ARE that sad and pathetic.

Well I decided to take a look again.
I only got 73 views on this blog in the last month. If that isn't a fantastic visual indicator of how dead my career and future is I don't know what else could do the job.

But regardless, the most searched for term for people finding this blog this month is:

Yes folks you read that right.

Anime Dogs Sucking Their Own Dick.
From slick anuses to cube smut I have officially hit rock bottom. Furries and self-fellatio. What a time to be alive.


In happier news, with the Deadpool cartoon in the can I was able to finish a new art piece. And it's probably not what you expect:
I reskinned a spaceship in a video game! Wow!!!!!
This was a hell of a lot of work and despite being popular, most likely wont get chosen to be in the game anyway because literally nothing I produce or touch anymore does not end in catastrophic fucking failure! That said I am very proud of how this ship came out. I'd had the idea in my head for a long time of making a koinobori themed skin, and waited for the day the developers did some sort of contest to make skins for it.

And it finally happened, I got to make it, and it came out almost exactly like how I envisioned it in my head! Not too shabby for an art project.

For those that really like it, and play Warframe, you can vote on this design here:

So far it has 800 negative votes and only 700 positive votes!!
Truly another good visual indicator of just how terrible everything I make anymore is.

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

One last midnight. Brothers and sisters opting out of a raw deal.

Mike was bored the other day and painted some little wooden hearts he found.
I liked them enough to take a photo.
Speaking of Mike, I designed a label for his Vape flavor company that he is slowly getting off the ground.
I spent money I dont have and went to the Curry Festival in St.Pete a few days ago.
Took some photos while I was there.
My japanese friend sent me this Venomancer figurine from Ti5.
In equally happy news Venomancer got buffed and might actually be objectively good now.
I saw this horrible dog at the mall.
I'm starting to receive music from my friend Shads for my short film "DECOUPLING".

So hooray for that.

Sunday, August 30, 2015

30 til 30.

30 days until I'm 30 years old. My life has gone mostly nowhere in the last few years. I have a rather comically long list of studios I've tried to get into. Several hundred at least. Might be approaching the 1k mark. But no can do, I suppose. I am fully aware it's not their faults obviously. I don't blame them. The industry is jam packed with new artists and laid-off veterans all looking for the same jobs all looking for the same work. And nearly all of them are far more capable than I am.

I've spent about 2 years trying to learn Blender now. I spend more time going back and re-reading guides and references than actually getting anything made because I honestly can't remember how to do things in the software. It's marvelously obtuse and I feel like a fucking idiot every time I fumble around in it.

I bought a surface pro 2 a couple months ago with what little extra money I still have. Sadly it can't do the 1 thing I really hoped it'd be good for which is run Flash CS3 decently. Flash runs like garbage on it and I'm still having to animate mostly on my ancient Toshiba M400 that I bought with Newgrounds prize money back in 2008. I don't mind animating on it but that tablet was already refurbished. I live in constant fear that it's going to just stop working one day and then I'll be truly fucked. Not that I'm not pretty fucked as it is. College loans from my shitty run at IADT still bleed me dry every month. Can't save up enough for a Cintiq, can't save up enough for a car. Much less an apartment.

I've even started asking around at video editing and theatrical places. Local ones in the ghetto. Seeing if they need someone who can just operate a camera or work with software packages. Compositing, green screen, anything. Nothing. And the one animation studio here that is close by is run entirely by two people and their site hasn't been updated since 2011. When I was a young teen I always thought eventually I'd be good enough to work at a real animation studio. Pixar, Disney, Blue Sky those sorts of places. I'd be happy just being a janitor at these sort of places. Sweeping up trash while watching the sorcerers make their magic. It was a rather laughable dream back then and I knew it. I knew I'd never have the skill to ever really get into a highbrow establishment. I'm a very slow learner. Only recently have my paintings gotten to a point where I can look at them and go "this doesn't look entirely shit. in fact its pretty ok.".

That's fine and all. I'm not the best. I'm not even good really. I'm astoundingly mediocre and that's better than quite a lot of people online. But that doesn't make the disappointment of how my career has turned out any less rancid. I can't even seem to find work at CRAPPY studios. You know the types. The ones whose reels look like a Tim and Eric sketch but it's not actually meant to be bad in an ironic funny kind of way.

Back in 2007 I was about ready to pretty much just quit. I was turning 22 and I hadn't managed to accomplish anything. The closest thing to an art job I had ever gotten was nearly getting into the now VERY dead Fatkat studios who closed due to legal issues and fraud. I figured if I hit 22 and didn't manage to get noticed I was just going to call it quits on the whole art thing. I would just stop. By some sort of miracle I got hired by Weebl mere days before I hit my 22nd birthday. And I was very happy to work for him because he was the only person who gave me a chance. A chance I would fuck up a multitude of times over the years. For the life of me, I do wonder how I've managed to keep that job. The amount of times I've screwed up a project and he's had to fix it are pretty numerous. The man has generosity in spades.

It's pretty much only due to him I really have anything at all. Freelance work comes few and far between when one is as mediocre as I. One can't live on occasional web work alone. Not without popularity to make those clicks and ads pay dividends. I knew I'd never be a Egoraptor or Happy Harry. I can't write funny things. I'm not really creative enough to be entertaining without being filled with hate. It's why my best Dustbunnies comics are mostly just me finding ways of viciously mocking something terrible. But without anger I don't amount to much.

Eight years later and I look at the little clock on my computer. It's August 30th. I've spent the last month working on a new Flash cartoon. It's been a long time since I made a Flash cartoon comprised entirely of my own ideas for the sole purpose of being creative. It's not a failed ad for mayonnaise, or a film produced for someone else. It's something "indie" for lack of a better word. Something based on a concept come up with entirely by me. And hopefully it's good. It's the first real burst of passion I've gotten for an idea in quite some time. I've put what's left of my heart and soul and joy into this little film. It's barely a minute long and it's not particularly original. I know there's films that have done similar concepts at much higher quality. But I don't really care. I love this film. And for all I know it may be my last film.

It's rare that I feel a need to produce things on my own that aren't paintings. Animation is a lot of work. Every frame is basically a painting. And many times I'd rather just open my surface pro 2, open Art Rage, and paint then animate something. It's why I've changed the sort of places I generally apply at from animation work to more design and painting jobs. Particularly since, and perhaps I'm wrong in this opinion, my paintings look much nicer than my cartoons. It's why for this new cartoon I've tried very hard to make it look at least somewhat as nice as a painting. Which is hard since Flash doesn't animate with bitmaps very well.

I think what few people who visit this blog will read this and suppose this whole speech is to feel sorry for myself. But it's not. Everything that's gone wrong with my life, and continues to go wrong, is a direct result of my own limitations and poor talents and poor decisions. I have nobody to blame but myself. And as I turn 30 years old this year and look at my comically bad resume and demo reel, I know that this is pretty much the best of it. This is the best my life will probably ever be. I haven't made a lot of money off a big project in a long time, and now that I can't find even crappy freelance work, I never will. Everything from here is mostly a downhill slide. And as I sit here looking at this almost finished cartoon I can't help but wonder if maybe I was wrong 8 years ago to change my mind. Maybe I was wrong to keep chugging along with this art thing and work for Weebl. He deserves better than me. Far better.

There's an alternate universe somewhere out there, beyond the void past the stars. In this universe I dropped the whole art thing at 22. I went to a normal community college, not an art college, and I got an actual degree for minimal cost, a normal white collar job, probably putting together .pdf files for some office here in florida. In this alternate universe I have a car, and an apartment. I have a social life, and maybe even a girlfriend. I get up every morning, feeling content. I don't make a lot of money in this alternate universe, but what I do make is consistent and reliable and I'm not competing with thousands of others online for it. In this alternate universe, Gerkinman and Weebl and Studio Yotta and College Humor and everyone else I've worked for continue to exist. But instead of me being there, taking up space and time and fucking up constantly, theres people there of real talent. Maybe Yotam Perel or Felix Cosgrave work for these kind people now, and now they have far better success and far more clients.

 It's a nice alternate universe where everyone feels useful. It's an alternate universe where I can look in my father's eyes and not feel like the massive disappointment I've become. Where he can retire because his rich son isn't locked in a spare room, trying desperately to salvage some sort of mangled art-related career.

What I'd give to trade places with that Nathan, even for a day.

Anyway, enough moaning about my shortcomings, the important thing you should take from all this is that I've been busy. I know it's been quite a few months since I last posted in this blog, and for that I apologize. And I also apologize that the first post in months is this incredibly negative sounding diatribe about how much I hate myself. I'm sure what few readers I have were hoping for something a bit more positive or uplifting, and in that sense I do have some things to deliver.

For starters one of the reasons my postings have been minimal is that I started up a Tumblr.

This is where you can find me uploading garbage pretty frequently. Be it random bits of fanart, paintings, animated gifs I've made and other such things. I've been using it for maybe 2-3 months now and I quite like it. It's simple and isn't a bloated mess like blogspot has become. THANKS GOOGLE.

That doesn't mean I will be abandoning this blog however. This blog is pretty handy as a place for me to whine like a big fat god damn baby about my shitty life. Can't really do that on tumblr without looking like one of the weird sjw's there. No thanks to that!

I also totally REDID MY WEBSITE!!!
I completely retooled it from the ground up. This year when I made my new demo reel and resume (which have both been colossal failures!) I decided it was time to redo my site as well. I don't understand actionscript very well so sadly the website doesn't really work on tablets or smartphones. And frankly I don't have the money to pay a programmer to fix all that so if the site doesn't work well NUTS TO YOU BUDDY.

 I also have been PAINTING. ALOT. Like a shit-ton. Now that I have my surface pro 2 (the first really good thing I've bought in a very very VERY long time), I've fallen in love with it. It's shitty as hell for animation but oh my god is it good for digital painting.
My work has had a noticable boost in quality now that I'm not struggling with every single stroke!
Look at that! I made that! Can you believe it? I can't!
Paintings are finally starting to look like how I envisioned them in my head instead of looking like steaming walrus turds!
Getting this tablet was pretty much the best thing to happen to me in a long long time. I can make LARGE paintings with lots of detail. I can finally use custom photoshop brushes! I was not able to do that before!
I could not have produced things like this previously on the old Toshiba M400.
Not that the old Toshiba was a bad pc. I still use it even today. Hell I spent 6 hours animating in it yesterday. I still need that thing for doing traditional animation. I wish I didn't but I'm stuck with it until I can get a Cintiq.
They make an 800 dollar Cintiq now. That's the one I want. It's why I've been on the warpath the last few months. Applying to dozens of studios a day. If I could get just one decent real paycheck I could finally get one of these. As a quick note: CINTIQ's used to cost 3000 fucking dollars. Let that sink in. You can see why I'm excited theres cheap ones now.
See right now I'm writing this from my very powerful desktop computer. You may wonder why not just get a cheap Wacom. I had a wacom. I won it like a decade ago. I couldn't get used to it no matter how hard I tried. The whole hand-eye-not-looking-at-the-screen thing hurts my head. My brain is not good at mastering it. So eventually I gave up and gave the tablet to my friend Bug.
That's why i was so excited initially to get the Toshiba. I knew it was the answer to my woes. And still is. But that thing runs hot when I animate with it. Pretty sure I could fry an egg on it. I need something to hook up to this desktop that performs the same function.

Anyway there's the first real blog post in ages.
The cartoon I'm producing is called DECOUPLING and I've posted quite a few pics from it on my tumblr. It should be done very soon.
 And now if you'll excuse me I have to get back to work on it.

Saturday, April 11, 2015

Wow look a pie-chart! Digital Style!

Virtually real! But controlled by real you!

Okay so I've been a BUSY MAN.

Not alot to talk about so lets just start with the good stuff.
For starters I have a new DEMO REEL OUT.
Yes that's right. My 5 year old demo reel is now Defunct. Decrepit. Despondent. Dead.
It shall never be mentioned again, so help me god.
HERE IT IS!!!!!!!!

It makes it look like I know what I'm doing!
Fun Fact: Sony Vegas could NOT edit or render these clips for reasons unknown. Meaning I had to learn an entirely new piece of software. Adobe Premier.
And wow Premier is so much better than Vegas I feel like an idiot that I never used it before.
I've been like a caveman banging rocks together using the pile of crap that is Sony Vegas. Never again, Sony. Never again.

And now with this new reel out I can send it off to various studios and whatnot and pray they have standards low enough to give me a chance. (they dont!)


I completely redesigned my website:

Go check it out!
It's been entirely redesigned from the ground up!

And you may be thinking "but zekey, you never do any actual work! why would you redesign an entire website from the ground up?"

Well you see curious onlooker, I somehow, in my infinite omniscience, managed to lose the .FLA flash file that had my original website in it. I'm not quite sure HOW considering I never ever ever delete anything. But it happened.
Meaning when my new Demo Reel went up, I was unable to change the link on the site to the NEW demo reel! AINT THAT JUST THE FUNNIEST THING? >:C >:C >:C
So yeah I had to make a whole new site. Didn't wanna but I did.
 And I decided that as long as I'm doing it, I might as well make it a REAL site this time with several pages and buttons and sounds and interactive crap.

So there you go!
I hope the 6-20 google bots that read this blog enjoy those!
And I hope the small handful of dumbasses on the internet who apparently wind up on this blog when they search for 'minecraft hentai' enjoy those links as well. I'm sure they are far more interesting than a creeper with a poorly drawn vagina stuck onto it!

Speaking of videogames, Killing Floor 2 was giving out keys.
And despite being one of my favorite games I have failed to attain a key. My friend Bug did but because he uses a 32 bit operating system, the game doesn't run. So the key was wasted!
I drew a fleshpound in mspaint and sent it to the developers at Tripwire Interactive, hoping they would send me a key back if I begged! IT DIDN'T WORK!!
So yeah that happened. Everyone is playing but me. Can't even play the new sequel to my 2nd most favorite game. :C

And finally one last interesting thing that happened.
The other night me, Mike, and his ladyfriend Rachel were all sitting around about to watch Captain America when she goes into the kitchen to get a donut. Suddenly with the kind of agility usually reserved for people with the last name Baryshnikov, she flees from the kitchen screaming bloody murder and breaking down in hysterics. She cries there is a massive spider in the kitchen that leaped out of the donut box at her.

Which is no stretch of the imagination. Anyone who lives in Florida knows this place is swarming with absolutely massive insects. Wasps the size of your thumb, grasshoppers the size of your aunt, spiders the size of your cat. So me and Mike creep our way into the kitchen, peeking around corners and in drawers and in the sink etc. We start pulling everything out of the kitchen. We can't find shit. We both assume it's a Wolf Spider because wolf spiders in Florida get pretty big. They are like little tarantulas.

Well I start advising Mike to spray bug spray in all the cracks between drawers and furnishings in the kitchen, assuming the spider was a wolf spider that easily snuck into a crevice somewhere. As I do this, I get down on my hands and knees to take a look  under the dishwasher.

And that's when I see it.
 It's a motherfuckin' HUNTSMAN SPIDER.
I thought these things only lived in Australia. Or the Congo. Or Carcosa.
NOPE. Apparently they live in Florida too! HOORAY! As if we don't have enough horrific shit here! So anyway I hold completely still looking at this massive lobster-sized arachnid abomination and call for Mike to bring me my shoe. For those who don't know me, I wear size 16 shoes. My feet don't play around, and neither do my goddamn boots.
I spray the bastard with wasp spray but that only makes it enraged.
It unleashes a squeal, like a baby piglet being stabbed, and makes a sloppy dash across the kitchen, soaking in chemicals. With the kind of hatred I normally only reserve for myself, I struck it with my footwear, it took several CLOMPS to defeat it, and even then all it lost were two legs. It was like trying to smash a sack of marbles.

After that I stared at it, fascinated by how horrible and pretty it was. Then flushed it down the toilet.
And that was that.

The End!

If you are a fan of my work (all 3 of you out there) please link people to my new site! I'm very pleased with it!
And now that my story has been told, I'm off to do other things!

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Cheese, hats, boxes... they don't make you who you are. You make you.

Streets of Cage is out.
This is a project given to me by Weebl and #Mashed some weeks ago. It was quite complex to make, but the end result makes it well worth it.

I drew and animated very nearly everything in this short, with the exception of the city backdrop in the intro and the Cagea logo. The rest is all me. It was probably the biggest Flash project I've done in a very long time!

Weebl did the music and sound effects, while Brock Baker did Nick's voice. Weebl also did the neat pixellation effect that pervades the film's visuals.

The film has been on youtube for a bit over a week and in that time I've actually been pretty busy making a new painting.

Here's a proper hotlink to the piece on Deviantart so you can see it full sized.

Back in last September my friend Bug drew the Goblin Techies from Dota. I loved his sketch and asked if it was alright if I painted it. I got some base colors down but then I got busy with quite a few various projects, some of which panned out and some of which never went anywhere.
But regardless once Streets of Cage was done, I was ready to relax with something more my speed.
It's been a few months since I made a big painting.
So I vowed to finish this Techies thing.

My friend Avid said after it was done that I should make an animated .gif showing my process on how I got from original sketch to the finished piece. And I might still make the .gif, but in the meantime I took it quite a step further.

I made a video detailing how this piece came to be.

The three little birds that appear briefly in that video are actually extras from Streets of Cage.
Originally in Streets of Cage instead of drinking an energy drink, Nick was snorting cocaine. But apparently that is now allowed to be shown due to some sort of censorship standards of some such.
So to censor it we originally tried covering the cocaine up with something cute and harmless. So I made some baby birds. And from that point it looked like Nick was snorting baby birds.

But that still didn't meet the standards of censorship so we swapped all the coke for energy drink.
I didn't want the baby birds to go to waste so I made a quick dumb short with them.

I'll probably do more dumb things with these birds.

So now with Streets of Cage finished I can finally worry about something I've been meaning to worry about for a long time.

And that is making a new demo reel.
My demo reel is very nearly 5 years old. It's horribly out of date and is missing alot of footage from alot of projects that need to be in it.
- Various weebl and bob episodes
- Cabury Cream Egg ad clips
- Hellmann's Mayo ad clips
- Various Catface eps
- Streets of Cage
- Bearshark for College Humor
- Smash with Egoraptor and Starbomb
- Pokemon with Rubber Ross
- Swag Pie for Huha
- Rocketman for Huha
- Robot Fight for Huha
- Chips and Peas for Weebl
- Benedict Cumberbatch for Weebl
- Trains for History Channel
- Shiny Minecraft Tale stuff with Willva
- Yorkshire Inception for Weebl
- Like a Brother for Gotye/TheBasics
- plus clips from old cartoons like Created and Polypeptide

Gotta find the best bits and mash them up into 2 minutes of reely goodness.
The nice thing is that I've gotten quite a bit done in the last 5 years.
My last reel is mostly clips of personal cartoons (many of which have aged like milk) mixed with a tiny bit of Weebl and Bob. This new reel should be quite spectacular.