I bought the drinks
I bought the drugs
I bought the cigs, puff puff
So what the fuck?
Mista big spenda, baby
I bought the washer
I bought the dryer
I bought the Honda, beep beep
So what the fuck?
Mista big spenda
Mister Big Spender, Baby.
Contrary to the above, I am not a big spender. Not in the least. In fact as anyone who knows me will tell you, I tend to horde my money like a horrid rodent, taking great cares not to spend it no matter how badly I need to.
So it begs the question: How did I manage to blow 210 bucks the other night?
Well that is a story that is both green and orange and mauve and I shall tell it to thee.
To start things off in this lively tale, allow me to mention that I hate Black Friday. I HATE it. And no it's not for some stupid hey-i'm-so-edgy-i-hate-capitalism-and-america-and-listen-to-trivium-and-vampire-weekend reason.
The idea behind it is brilliant. One day a year everything it cheap as hell. And the marketing monster feeds and grows happy! The drawback is that the public loses its mind and all sense of decency.
I worked at Target during Black Friday once. The chaos is indescribable. Shelves falling over. Soccer moms chasing you to the restroom SCREAMING because they cant manage to find the only barbie doll that is of italian descent. People PISSING and SHITTING on the FLOOR like fucking DOGS.
And its not just target that these wretches do this. Every big retail outlet is the same story.
Last year, people DIED due to it. There was a stampede and a woman and her baby were run over. She died. The baby literally dissipated into a fine powder due to all the feet trampling it. The only trace of it left was a pink misty cloud that hovered near the air vent.
Thats how bad these people get.
Here is what it looks like on the receiving end:
So as you can imagine, with such painful memories of this day, I tend to not partake of it. I shy away.
However last friday, that was not the case. No sir.
Me and Mike absconded from my workplace and picked up Raphael from his home-away-from-USF that he resides in.
First things first, because it was so early (like 11pm or so)we headed over to Mike's apartment where we spent our usual time doing the usual things:
A.) listening to music
B.) playing team fortress 2
C.) smoking hookah
D.) occasionally getting mike's hacker computer whizz roomie Alec to join us
After doing all three of these activities, we the trio decided to drive around the various big box stores of Tampa and Lutz to see all the people camped outside. In big populated areas (like florida) people love love love to camp outside buildings. It happened for the wii. It happened for Halo 3. And we knew it would happen for Black Friday. And in the future, Mike and I will probably camp outside a game store on the night before Starcraft II comes out.
The first place we hit was the Citrus Park mall. As we cruised around in Mike's ying-yang encrusted vehicle, we were shocked to see that noone was camped outside. There were some cars parked, yes. But no people.
"Dude there's people in there" Raphael shouted. And indeed there were people inside the dark mall.
As it turns out, alot of the big stores in the area were trying new forms of 'stampede prevention' with the mall's form being the idea of letting everyone inside ahead of time even though the stores were all closed (except the disney store where lots of Princess & the Frog merchandise adorned the shelves).
Sears (the place we cared about seeing lines for and which is attached to the mall) was still closed. So we hopped back into the car and went to Wal-Mart instead.
Yeah I'm a consumer whore. Wal-Mart had good shit that night. For CHEAP. Henry Hatsworth (an amazing indy nintendo ds game) was 10 bucks. Dead Space was 10 bucks. Movies for like 2 dollars. I found myself mesmerized by the Transformers toy section. They had made Bay-style versions of the Starscream descendants such as Ramjet and Skywarp. I drooled over these for a moment when I saw the movie section.
Grabbed myself Zack Snyder's masterful "Dawn of the Dead" remake for only 2 dollars.
The best remake ever? Probably.
Well when Raphael saw that I had gotten it for 2 bucks, he naturally wanted a copy himself. So we plowed through and grabbed some.
In our rush we noticed that Wal-Mart actually had a GOOD wii game in it's wii game case. Wal-Mart (like most retail outlets) does not carry the good wii games. Just the ones that are "Bratz Mario Golf Party Games Ubisoft Pro Skater Port 5 Now With More Controller Shaking" so to see anything of value there is incredible.
And what game did they have?
Muramasa: The Demon Blade
This game is incredible. First off, all the graphics are hand-painted. Everything. The animation is beautiful, its hard, its fun. And much like the Shantae games for the game boy, it mercilessly throws in piles of cheesecake (t&a)for the hell of it.
If you have a wii you pretty much owe it to yourself to get this game.
So SOMEHOW Wal-Mart was actually carrying this gem. Mike decided to pass on it although he was interested because he doesn't have much to play right now other than TF2.
But when we later went by Best Buy, he bought it. He also bought Okami, Star Wars: The Force Unleashed and I think Halo ODST. I can't remember.
After all this we went to Target. Target was just as horrible as I had remembered it being. After swimming through crowds of sleep-deprived morons, we decided to have a quick foodening (since we had not eaten jack squat). I had a delicious cheesecake muffin.
As I buttered it in the 20-degrees Fahrenheit air in a giant line to get inside Best Buy, I learned what their stampede-protection idea was. Best Buy was only letting in 20 people at a time. With 4 police cruisers and several large burly men protecting the doors to maintain the status-quot.
Inside Best Buy I saw many digital cameras on sale. And I decided that I was going to buy a digital camcorder. I've been needing one for YEARS now. And I decided to bite the bullet and do it.
But we had one last stop.
So back into the car we went. BACK to the Citrus Park mall. And back to the line at Sears.
The lines were long now. And Mike entertained himself (and aggravated everyone else) by making cattle noises.
Suddenly, without warning, there was a shift in the bodies.
The back door to Sears had been opened.
"We must run, friend" Raphael shouted.
"It's too cold to run" I replied.
Mike proceeded to leap forward like a squirrel being chased by a dog shouting:
"YEEHEE HEE Y'ALL CUSTOMERS BEST ON HURRY UP CAUSE I IS GONNA BUY ALL YO STUFF!!!"
Which of course only made everyone run faster.
So inside Sears a long debate took place between the trio. What camera do I buy? Where is the restroom? How do we kill the Superman?
The answer to the first camera was swift.
And I spent 100 bucks on a Samsung FlashCAM. A lovely little device. Then I spent a bit more on peripherals and insurance in case it breaks.
And with it, I recorded this lovely bit of footage which features me and my father's parrot, Rosa.
Rosa has always hated me. Ever since I was born.
So yeah. There it is. That is how I spent 200 bucks. And its great. Its a great great camera. Finally me and my friends can record all the various hilarious ideas we've come up with.
I also made this.
And that's about it for this post I think.
Give them a fish, they eat for a day.
1 hour ago