The blog of a person....yeah that sounds good.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

I've always liked you Byron, but even bad men love their mommas.

Florida Wildlife Part 1



Today I shall be discussing the Florida Roof Rat.
Anyone who lives in florida and lives in moderately priced middle to low-class housing has had roof rats. Even if you cant hear them. They are there. Their fat little bodies heaving as they gorge on dust in the attics of homes across this freaking state.

But what is a roof rat? Exactly what it sounds like. They are rats that live in your roof. Around fall or winter when the weather gets cold, these little fellows crawl into the shoddily built roofs of florida and make the attic their own personal apartment. Destroying boxes, eating photos, pooping on every available flat surface. Yes these guys are destructive.

But thats not why we hate them, no. No we hate them because they torture us. Late late at night as we sleep....we hear them. Scratching sliding and the occasional thud, scarcely echoing throughout the house. You can tell when it's right above you, you can tell when it's in the next room. Sometimes its subtle, a quiet click in the dead of night, letting you know that it's there. Other times, it digs, trying to burrow it's way through the ceiling to get to the warmth and free food is has been walled off from.
But it never can when convenient, no. It waits silently for when you are in the kitchen or on the toilet for when it can peek out its wee little head. Ready to announce itself for all to see. Whether through a grate in the air conditioning or behind the fridge, he will stare triumphantly at you as if to say "This is my house now."
And by all accounts it is.

I hate these freaking rats.
I need to find my crowbar in case I come across them in person again.

7 comments:

Matthew said...

The fact that you have a crowbar scares the shit out of me.

citricsquid said...

I love you, Zekey!

David said...

I read the description of the rats at the same time as the player was playing Soundtrack 1. That makes it much creepier...

Sparkpro said...

Crowbar eh? We just use poison.
The only thing is between the time of its eating the poison and death, the thing realizes its fate and makes its way to the one place where you will never find it.
This forces you to endure the stench of its rotting carcass in a nice fuck you fashion from the rat.
Luckily the rats here just hang out in the garage none of the stuff you described.

Thor said...

http://www.absforums.com/?showtopic=15981

You've been nominated for a tournament. y/n?

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