The blog of a person....yeah that sounds good.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

By the time I realized it, I had already swung the bat.

Its amazing how the last few days have been the most disturbing ever.
Starting on Friday. Went to the fair. Mike didn't feel like paying money for parking in the overcrowded (and easily pillaged) grass parking lot that sits outside the Fair Center near Hillsborough avenue. So we parked in the parking lot of the Hard Rock Casino which was across the street. Snuck around the overpass and into the fair.

The fair was the same like always. Dark and brown. Hay everywhere. Food stands all over the place selling overpriced and delicious meat foods. All adorned with gaudy and badly drawn depictions of cartoon pigs, elephants, old ladies, and other random stuff.
They serve as beacons lighting either side of the fairs pathways. Serving such wondrous treats as italian sausage, polish sausage, bratwurst, hot dogs (notice a pattern), cotton candy, yogurt, gyros, elephant ears, funnel cakes, ice cream, fudge, philly cheese steak, deep fried candy bars, and other junkfood.
In the areas where the food stands arent all competing for your attention, there are games, rides, attractions, sideshows, and other circus stuff.
As usual there's a hilarious scientology booth, and a rude clown who insults people as you walk by. I dont who he is, but god damn is he funny. Especially when he gets into an argument with someone else. Luckily for him, he's in a dunk-tank where noone ever seems to knock him in, so he cant get his ass kicked.



Behind all the action are my favorite bits. The convention halls. Which are basically fancy home and garden shows. People showing off neat inventions and new ways to cook food and clean. Contests, arts, crafts. Wondrous "make your own soda" machines. Homemade instruments, art.
The bug show is also there. Unique and exotic bugs. Bees kept in a case that I know will one day shatter, releasing the bees and killing everyone. Bees...my god.
The best part of that area is all the different kinds of honey that you can try for free.
There's the art exhibit where middle school and high school students get to display the best art from their schools. You can always tell which ones were assignments.
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The next day Me, Mike, Natasha, her sisters, and a few others all went hiking. It was very cold. Then we went to the Village Inn for warmth. Where I made the biggest mistake ever.
I noticed my lettuce looked a tad....unhealthy. But I popped a piece in my mouth anyway. I spat it out moments later. Apparently not fast enough because the next morning I woke up feeling bloated.
What followed was several hours of muscle cramps, explosive diarrhea, projectile vomiting, bleeding, dry heaving, near suffocation, fainting, screaming, and horrific stomach spasms.
This was followed by me drinking some nasty homemade food poisoning remedy: A liter of water with a tablespoon of salt and 8 teaspoons of sugar. Which was then followed by lying around balls up in pain.
I assumed I was over it today, but I just felt a wave of nausea.
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In completely unrelated news, due to the warm weather being back, the paper wasps are out again. I hate wasps. They make their houses right where things smack into them, and then get pissed off as if it wasnt their own stupidity to build there nest in such an obvious place.

"oh i know i'll build my next next to a loud doorbell instead of up in a nice quiet tree. i sure am a dumb son of a bitch! A HYUCK! it would bring me such joy if someone would smash me flat"

So the time has come once again to buy tubes of Wasp Killer and go around the house and going High Plains Drifter on them. It brings me such joy to see their little red squirmy bodies writhing on the ground, soaked in poison.


You'd think after a while they'd learn not to build their wasp nests near door, windows, stair, bike racks, gutters, mailboxes, etc. But they dont. They're so useless. And painful.

2 comments:

HillyBillyMcgee said...

Chim Chim Cheroooo sir! smack my ass and call me a darn diddly hay smokin goose grater, i wish i were a flagen, so i could molest meself more fe-cuen-tlay, if yall no what i meen!

Haroshi said...

Moral of he story - Never eat lettuce